Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
