forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
