You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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