respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
