we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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