Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
