I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
