I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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