he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
