I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
