i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
