yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
