I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
