the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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