What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
