It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
