He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
