Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
