I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
