Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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