Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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