Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
