Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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