I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
