I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
