i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize