I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
