sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
