girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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