i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
