is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
