hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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