how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
