She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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