Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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