I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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