I hate all girls vehemently.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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