You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside