there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.