He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck