apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
are you so shy because you have an std?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
