So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
