I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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