in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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