Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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