If i come over, it means nothing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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