Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
