you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
In America we eat man semen.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
