Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
