I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
