I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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