I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
