I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
