i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
