It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
