So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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