wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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