next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
