i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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