I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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