I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize