Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
