At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
