I can tuck mytits in my pants
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
