Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just pee around me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
