Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
