He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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