Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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