I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
