i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
